Maple leaf and self-values
I had the chance to think a little bit about the question “How do you discover your self-values at a point where thoughts and feelings are mixed?” that I received. Honestly, I do reflecting every day. No matter how bad my day is, my first question is “What were the 3 things that made me feel happy today?” . It shows what’s important for me. And I can easily find at least 3 things every day because I know that; while negatives dominate positives in terms of intensity, positives dominate negatives in terms of frequency — The number of positive things we experience in a day is twice as much as negatives (positivity offset) — . At least that’s what American professor Barbara Fredrickson’s positive psychology studies say.
John Terrence is a professor who experiments on social neuroscience and he also conducts a great experiment on this subject. In this experiment, participants are shown photographs that will evoke three different emotions: positive (children eating cotton candy at an amusement park), neutral (glasses) and negative (gun). The electrical activities that occur in the brains of the participants who see these photographs also recorded. As a result, it is seen that the strongest activity in the cerebral cortex occurs as a result of seeing a negative photo. In other words, as a result of our evolution, we focus more on the negative.
If I continue to the subject of emotions and core values, for example, let’s say I am very sad, at that moment I notice this, step back and go over a checklist; I ask myself questions such as am I hungry, am I thirsty, did something happen that made me unhappy, why did this affect me so much, what does not match with my self-values. Or, conversely, when I look at a tree during the day, the fact that it makes me feel good actually tells me a lot about my core values. Whenever I can be aware, any confusion of emotions/thoughts does not create chaos while determining my core values, on the contrary, my feelings bring me closer to finding my values.
I want to talk about Soul, an animation that I love very much. When Joe, a jazz pianist, dies, he goes to the previous world where the souls that will come to the world are located. There, he meets soul number 22. In order to return to this world, these two have to find what the “spark” in their lives will be. The movie initially makes us think that this spark is our purpose in life. Then 22 and Joe somehow go to the world. When 22, who is experiencing real life for the first time, says, “Maybe my spark is watching the sky, or walking! I’m really good at walking,” Joe replies, “These aren’t the sparks of life, these are just our ordinary lives.” But at the end of the movie, we realize that the spark is actually exactly what 22 said: the excitement of living for the sake of living. Soul reminds us that while our lives are flowing by and we are searching for our great values and purposes, perhaps even to the other side of the world, these are actually walking on a sunny day, watching the stars, or biting into a delicious slice of pizza.
Yes, it is great to search for your values and pursue them, and in fact, to find them, you can ask yourself questions like, what is important to me? What kind of relationships do I want to have? What do I want my life to be about? In which activities do I feel alive? What would my life be like if all my stress was gone and what new things would I pursue? But I must say this; while you are trying to reach the big oceans, remember that you are already swimming in it.
Your core values provide the compass that moves you in the right direction — Susan David
*iIf you are wondering what the maple seed in the title has to do with it, I suggest you watch Soul. :’)
